Greetings, fellow travelers of time and chaos! As we stand amidst the ashes of “unprecedented times,” it has become increasingly clear that our traditional calendar labels no longer capture the sheer dumpster fire energy of the modern age. BC, BCE, and AD have had a good run, but let’s be honest: they don’t quite encapsulate the vibes of the post-pandemic era. I propose we embrace a new, universally relatable epoch. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the DF Era: the Dumpster Fire Epoch.
What Is the DF Era?
The DF (Dumpster Fire) calendar starts with the year 2021, the year when we collectively emerged (sort of) from the first global pandemic in a century. This marked the beginning of our transition from one flame to the next—a period of chaotic resilience, fiery resilience, and occasionally, actual flames. Under this new calendar:
- 2021 is 1 DF (One Dumpster Fire)
- 2022 is 2 DF
- 2025 is 5 DF, the current year of smoldering possibilities!
Everything before 1 DF is now BDF (Before Dumpster Fire). For instance, the fall of Rome? That happened around 1546 BDF, give or take. The Big Bang? Approximately 13.8 billion BDF. See? Everything makes perfect sense now.
Why the Dumpster Fire Epoch?
- It’s Relatable
Let’s face it: few things capture the collective spirit of recent years like a good old dumpster fire. Whether it’s social media, geopolitics, or your latest attempt at sourdough bread, the metaphor has universal appeal. Finally, a timeline we can all agree on! - No More Pretentious Latin
Anno Domini? More like “Anno Don’t-make-me-pronounce-that-in-public.” And what about BCE and CE? Let’s ditch the neutral, academic tone. Dumpster Fire is raw, honest, and speaks to our collective experience of teetering on the edge of disaster. - Perfect for Social Media
Imagine the memes! “5 DF and still running on coffee and existential dread.” Or “It’s only 5 DF, but it feels like 50.” The DF calendar is meme-ready and TikTok-friendly—a must for any serious cultural reform. - A Symbol of Resilience
A dumpster fire isn’t just about chaos. It’s about endurance. Despite the flames and the occasional explosion, the dumpster itself remains. Much like us, it doesn’t collapse; it just smolders with determination.
Frequently Asked Questions About the DF Epoch
Q: What about leap years?
A: Great question. In the DF calendar, leap years are celebrated as “Double Dumpster Days,” because what’s better than adding 24 hours to a dumpster fire?
Q: Isn’t this a bit cynical?
A: Cynical? No! The DF Epoch is about finding humor and humanity in chaos. It’s about laughing while the world burns—preferably marshmallows, because we’re classy like that.
Q: How will historians react?
A: Honestly, historians are probably tired of BC/AD debates anyway. They’ll embrace the clarity of knowing exactly when humanity started measuring time based on collective existential exhaustion.
Call to Action: Let’s Make DF Happen
It’s time to throw the Gregorian calendar into the proverbial dumpster (figuratively, of course—we’re not monsters). Join me in spreading the word about the Dumpster Fire Epoch. Update your social media bios, tweak your Outlook calendars, and start teaching your kids to recite important historical dates like “The signing of the Declaration of Independence: 245 BDF.”
Because if we’ve learned anything in recent years, it’s that laughter is the best medicine—second only to vaccines and staying six feet apart. Here’s to 5 DF, folks. Let’s make it a smoldering success!